Sunday, December 7, 2008

Fear and Anxiety

I am scared. I say this because I think other people are too. I don't know what the world has to hold for me or when the stars will align that will allow me to be the writer I want to be or the good person I need to be. But I can't really fake like everything is okay and I think I've learned that its better that way.

Lauren Hill's song, "I find it hard to say" has been on replay for the last month. And it's not because I'm sad about a relationship or because I am somehow insecure it's because I find it hard to move past the craziness of this world and just live life like everything is easy.

I envy people who can not feel bad after reading an article about one of the top twenty papers in the U.S. going up for sale. The alternative: shut down the paper and fire everyone. Story here.

Now I am an optimist. I have to say this because my beginning was sad and my following evidence to why some may really be left in tears. But I know this will all get better but the question is when and what will we have lost as a result. I get asked all the time, why do you want to go into journalism? It's a dying business and everyone is losing their job.

But after bursting into tears minutes before a job interview, I can say because sometimes you just know what's for you. I know writing is my passion and whether it takes me two years or two months to do it I will. But it's hard and I wanted to acknowledge it because there isn't a place for me to share my stories with other young journalists. My competition is faceless and its struggles anonymous.

Either way, I sometimes find it hard to say I am doing well. I'm scared but optimistic.

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